A Hot August Day on the Farm Spirited with a Dumb-Arse Attack


Even though I often see myself as a vision of hope and light, there are times when I have to wonder if the rest of the world has similar dumb-arse attacks like me.  I also find it possible and most likely that many of us drink occasional glasses of red wine for health purposes or just because we want to indulge in the aged spirit of grapes.

At the benefit of having 40 laughs a day for several days and more,  I had a horrific attack and also suffered embarrassment to the Nth degree.

It all began on a hot August afternoon at a friend‘s country home where I was invited to dine ~ part of the charm of the day was pitching in to bring our favorite dishes to share with one another.  We were quite excited at the plan to indulge our taste buds.

Secretly, I thanked my lucky stars there was finally an occasion to toss that special piece of roast to the lower level of the refrigerator for defrosting before the freezer took serious hold of it ~ the super cut of meat from the London area of the cow turned out to be more scrumptious than we could imagine despite the warnings about red meat.

When I got to Ricardo’s house, he put me in charge of pouring the raspberry tea and wine along with designing the crescent rolls which would serve as a rendezvous with fresh butter and country jam.  I must say I was very much at home with the Australian Shiraz wine while laboriously perfecting the artistry of folding the crescent rolls for baking in the oven.

Then, my friend added as a spectacular chef’s accompaniment, mashed potatoes dazzled with heavy cream and fresh green beans swimming in a pound of bacon.  Both sides were fattened from almost non-caloric dishes to ones that would most certainly clog the arteries and cause our hearts to beat with a spirited rhythm.

I just never realized that such divine embellishments would be added to the dishes, so I had recklessly purchased a turtle pie dessert from the freezer department of famous foods known to be exquisitely better than sex.  Actually, the whole meal was quite climatic.

Then the final course was one of hilarity and at my expense ~ we embarked upon a walk to work off some of the sinful food/drink and ended up eventually at a neighbor’s garden.  I was introduced to Roberto once again who appeared to be passionately guarding the fenced-in area with his body and soul.

It was a marvelous garden ~ I commented on an orange budding flower and Roberto excitingly took me to a fully-developed specimen of that bud which was a green squash….duh, green, not golden!!

Now precisely at this moment and out of nowhere, I heard voices calling me to pick it.  I can only defend my dumb-arse attack by the mere fact that my arteries were clogging and the red wine was intermittently clearing the process causing a huge turmoil in the function of my body and brain.

Yep, I about fell off the four-inch, Sketcher Sandals to bend down and pick that baby squash and hand it to Roberto who was a saddened and shocked parent.

I was hoping for a recovery from the embarrassment by having him tell me to take it home and give it lots of love and sunlight, but his facial expression never recovered from the shock of my picking his precious squash.

I sheepishly placed it back on the ground to ripen off the vine and then burst out in laughter to the point that there would be no recovery on my part either.

Ricardo and I continued walking on the lumpy ground together and thought it likely that I would end up losing my balance and roll around in the grass convulsing with laughter.  We laughed for days and are still laughing at my stupidity.  We have shared the story over and over and people go into stitches.

I confess that I still cringed a little while writing this, but the special dumb incident was worth every ounce of embarrassment.  I hope you enjoyed the imperfection that made a perfect day and has continued to lighten our hearts and will for years to come and I ask,  “Squash anyone?”  We can only hope for more times together in a field of silly activity and ripened vineyard moments.


“Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever……..eat, drink and be merry…do stupid things faster with more energy” 🙂



About thorns4roses

I am passionate about animals, poetry, music, photography & writing. It’s great to be alive & part of a world on the cusp of changing for the better. "Learn to Love with all your heart & accept the unlovable sides. For everyone can Love a rose but only a great heart can include the thorns. . . ." Unknown
This entry was posted in Guilt and Loving Yourself, Humor, Love & Nature, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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